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Leaders tend to have very high standards - the kind that fuel growth, drive results, and push for continuous improvement.
But thereâs a subtle shift that can happen if those standards go unchecked.
They stop being a tool for growth, and instead become a lens for judgment.
In the last article, we talked about what happens when you compare yourself to others and place someone you admire on a pedestal.
In doing so, you inadvertently shrink yourself.
Your confidence wavers, and your decisions start to feel riskier than they objectively are.
But thereâs another side to the comparison trap.
One that feels more like confidence and certainty.
It presents itself when you look at others - their work, their decisions, and their leadershipâŠ
And instantly judgment sparks within you.
You notice what theyâre doing wrong.
What theyâre missing.
What you think they âshouldâ be doing differently.
And it can feel justified. It might even be accurate.
But underneath that reaction something else is happening inside of you.
Youâre placing them in a pit.
And once you see it, you start to notice how often it happens.
To be clear - we all do this.
It isnât a personality flaw.
Itâs simply a pattern to pay attention to.
And it shows up when someone consistently irritates you.
When you feel frustrated every time they speak.
When you find yourself thinking:
âWhy are they like this?â
At the extreme, it can make you not want to be around someone at all.
And more subtly it shows up as a low-level annoyance you carry with you without even questioning it.
But those reactions? Theyâre signals to pay attention to.
Thatâs how you know youâre placing someone in a pit.
But the twist here is that youâre not just evaluating them.
Whatâs actually happening isâŠ
Self-righteous projection.
Without realizing it, youâre judging others through the same lens you use on yourself.
This is especially true for high performers, and even more so for perfectionists.
When you hold yourself to extremely high standards youâre constantly evaluating your own performance,
And carrying the pressure of feeling like: âI should be better than this.â
That internal pressure doesnât stay contained within yourself though.
Instead, it gets projected outwardly, and you begin to see flaws everywhere.
In other peopleâs decisions, in their communication, and in their leadership.
And when this is happening, youâre automatically elevating your position,
And that rise can feel like an expression of your:
â Certainty â Discernment â High standards â Experience
But itâs actually something elseâŠ
Itâs a distorted comparison lens thatâs keeping you from seeing reality clearly.
And this is where it gets even more revealing:
The traits that frustrate you the most in others⊠are traits you also possess.
Not in the exact same form, and not in the same context,
But theyâre there. Every human possesses every trait.
The difference is this:
You tend to express that trait in areas that are less important to youâŠ
So you dismiss it in yourself.
But when someone else expresses that same trait in an area you deeply valueâŠ
It becomes intolerable.
Thatâs why your reaction is so strong.
Youâre not just reacting to the behavior,
Youâre reacting to the meaning youâve assigned to it.
And again, everyone does this to some extent.
For me, it was most prominent during my corporate career.
I found myself constantly frustrated with the environment around me.
Leaders who wouldnât make decisions.
People who wouldnât speak up.
Teams that felt stuck in hesitation.
And my internal narrative was:
If people would just step up⊠this wouldnât be so hard.
It didnât feel like superiority⊠It felt like clarity.
Like I could see what needed to happen and others couldnât.
But looking back I can see what was really happening.
I was projecting my own frustration, and placing others in a pit as a way to make sense of it.
And hereâs the part thatâs easy to miss:
When you put someone in a pit it doesnât just distort how you see them.
It distorts how you lead.
Because it creates blind spots.
You stop being open to learning.
You misjudge people and situations.
You underestimate perspectives that could actually sharpen you.
And over time, something else starts to happen.
You become harder to work with⊠even when your intentions are good.
So if youâre reading this and you want a clear indicator for whether or not this pattern is active in your lifeâŠ
Take a look at who consistently frustrates you.
Not occasionally. Consistently.
The people you feel irritated by, dismissive of, or quietly critical towardâŠ
Those are often the exact mirrors showing you where your perception is distorted.
This is one of the clearest signals that thereâs a recalibration opportunity.
And until itâs addressed, it will limit how far your leadership can actually go,
Because you can only operate from distorted perception for so long before it catches up to you.
And this is the real risk of the pit:
Putting someone in a pit doesnât protect you.
It isolates you, and it blinds you.
And over time it subjects you to the same kind of judgment youâve been placing on others.
Some people call it karma. I call it correction.
And eventually it places you in the very position you were judging.
Because when you judge others harshlyâŠ
Youâre creating an environment where that same standard gets applied back to you.
And eventually, you feel it.
You feel it in your relationships,
In leadership tension,
And in missed opportunities.
So why does this happen in the first place?
At the root, itâs generally not arroganceâŠ
Itâs more often misalignment combined with pressure.
Youâre likely holding yourself to external standards that donât fully align with your internal priorities.
And when youâre trying to live up to expectations that arenât actually yoursâŠ
And youâre carrying internal criticism that hasnât been examinedâŠ
That pressure looks for somewhere to go because it needs a release,
And it often gets redirected outwardly at others.
But when you shift out of that pattern something different happens.
You grow with people, not at their expense.
But this work requires something most people avoid:
And thatâs humility.
Not the kind that lowers your expectations,
But the kind thatâs willing to ask:
What if Iâm not seeing this clearly?
Because without that question⊠Thereâs no possibility of recalibration.
And this is where faith becomes practical.
Weâre not called to judge others harshly.
Not because standards donât matter, but because we all fall short.
And more importantlyâŠ
Because we donât see the full picture of someone elseâs life.
Their priorities. Their pressures. Their season of life. And their capacity.
When you begin to understand that everyone is operating according to their own set of prioritiesâŠ
Judgment starts to soften, recalibration is possible, and everything starts to shift.
Because when you remove the distortion of the pit mentality you arenât abandoning your discernmentâŠ
Youâre becoming more accurate in your assessment.
You can still evaluate. Still lead. Still hold standards.
But without projecting false inadequacies onto others to elevate yourself.
This is what real leadership looks like.
Leadership isnât about rising above othersâŠ
Itâs about lifting others up and bringing out the best in them.
Seeing their strengths clearly.
Understanding their limitations without judgment.
Creating environments where people can grow.
Because when you lead that way, everyone gets stronger⊠including you.
When you elevate others properly, you donât lose your position,
You strengthen it.
And when you grow with people instead of at their expense, your impact compounds in a completely different way.
THIS is the shift that changes everything.
Comparison isnât the problem. Distortion is.
When you elevate others, you shrink, and
When you diminish others, you inflate.
Both judgments are distorted, because theyâre both inaccurate.
And leadership ultimately comes down to one thing:
Seeing people - including yourself - clearly enough to build from truth, so you canâŠ
Live your life on purpose!
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